dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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