But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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