I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Green mimosas i think yes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
