So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
