look no pants
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
