i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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