I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
