I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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