All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
