We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
