Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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