Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
