I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
