u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
