Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Say something about gay babies.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
