Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
