Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
