yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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