His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize