Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
