are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
