You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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