I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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