my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
