I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
