Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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