A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
