My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
