I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
