Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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