i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
