Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
