My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
