the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
