Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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