lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
