If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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