How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
