Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
