His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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