Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
