Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
