We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
be right there i have to get my cape
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
