Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
