I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
