Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
