3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
