My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
