I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize