I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
