i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
