I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize