i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
