we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize