Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
