This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
