So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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