I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
