we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
