Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
