By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
