It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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