She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
