it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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