no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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