yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize