laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
