He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
