i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
