The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
