I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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