I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize