i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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