This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i love accidental penises.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
