considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
