i think my tv is drunk
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
